Are you Prepared for the most epic Project Runway Recap of All Time? I Might Not Be, But I'm Delivering it anyway. Without Further ado, let's climb inside our favorite polka dot print and settle in for Darling Three Lincoln Center collections, the Judges' remarks, and a final Decision That Will Leave You Breathless in a sexual-humiliation sort of way.
Happy finale! To celebrate, let's begin with "some of Gretchen's nonsense: After Tim announces That" some old friends "will greet the Three Remaining designers at Parsons, Gretchen Coos," I have no idea what to think! "How crazy, Gretchen, Because I Know Exactly what to think: Tim's reacquainting you with the old designers. You have to hang out with Them, I bet. Or Work with Them. Well, wait! It's Probably the Reunited Cast of Evening Shade. Never mind. You're right, The Possibilities Are Endless.
Dammit, I was right the first time: Mondo, Gretchen, and Andy Arrive at Parsons to find all the eliminated designers Assembled in Crate & Barrel and chaises sitting across from Heidi and Tim. Wowwie. Let's take a look around: There's a surly-cool April! Here's a church-mouse Crazed Ivy! And there's a fourth-place traumatized murmurer Michael Costello. And the others, WHO, May as Well Be Muted holograms.
Tim cues up footage of Andy, Gretchen, and Mondo's best and worst work of the season. Inspiring and hilarious, respectively. Afterward, Heidi has a question for Gretchen Subtle. "Gretchen, Is It True That You are a bitch in real life?" She ponders. "I would like to know. Because you have bitch posture. "
Gretchen squeamishly responds, "The funny answer is, 'I'm not a bitch, I just play one with a TV.'" She then ADDS, "And I think also Life 'strong women' TEND To Be Called 'bitches,' Which is Unfair. "
Oh. Let's Clear up the Confusion: Gretchen, you are not a "bitch." You're an a ** hole. Do not let anyone mix you up again.
Shockingly, Cutey Valerie is Given a chance to speak. "I think we made ourselves really Vulnerable this season," she says, Explaining the "success" of season eight. Close: You made yourself susceptible Thurs an editing process Shem That made everyone angry and adversarial. That's the Bunim-Murray Gold Standard. Plus, the cast was full of diagnosable Hellcats. But I think that's what you meant by "vulnerability," Valerie. Holler.
The rousing reunion concludes and orders Tim The Three Remaining Competitors Thurs reenter the workroom and make him an un-Hideous collection. "Do not send down somethings Carol Hannah nonsense, you guys," they (mentally) said. "This Is not For Laughs anymore, kids. Do not embarrass us. "...
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