Tiger Woods should fire his image-makers and hire Rick Reilly right now if they Wants to rebuild his reputation.
It's difficult to remember Tiger Woods, the golfer, as these recent photos portray images of the sex scandal that the golf great has brought himself is
An immediate does of Oprah! Stat!
That's Reilly's first prescription for the Scandal-Plagued golfer.
"It has to be Oprah [Winfrey]," Dave pipit, a Las Vegas PR guru tells Reilly, an ESPN Columnist and writer of the hilarious golf mystery / comedy novel, "Missing Links" (soon to be a major motion picture starring Boston native, Steve Carell).
"If you did a poll is who's most disgusted by this whole mess, it would be women," says pipit. "To win over those women, you need to win over Oprah. Over Oprah you win, you win over America."
And forget about those canned, online statements apologizing for his "transgressions." Woods has to play the "dad" card as part of his full mea culpa: "To my wife, to my kids, to my family, to my friends, to my fans, I am so sorry, "Reilly suggests." I'm ashamed of myself. My mom is ashamed of me. I'm sure my dad would be ashamed of me. "
Put the club down. Reilly then recommends the unthinkable to the world's top-ranked golfer: No golf, including next year's Masters and U.S. Open.
What better way to show his wife, Elin Nordegren, sponsors, and fans that he's serious about Mending his life than blowing off major championships to work is his marriage, Reilly wonders.
With Friends Like These .... Woods must deep-six Tiger Team, the people he pays to carry his golf bag (not to mention his water) and burnish his image (good job at that, guys, by the way). Find a new agent, caddy, and buddies, Reilly tells Woods.
"It's hard to believe all this has went without their knowledge or help," he says.
Reilly offers another nostrum or two regarding sponsors, charitable donations, opening up about his life, and his Infamous club-tossing incidents.
Miss Manners. "A few manners would not kill [Woods]," offers Reilly, who just last July scolded Tiger about his on-course temper tantrums (Woods Needs to clean up his act).
"No more terrible-twos temper. No More Swearing. No more throwing clubs, "Reilly lectures. "And instead of pulling his signature move blow-by is the hundreds of Autograph seekers waiting for him after every round, stop and sign for 15 minutes. Phil Mickelson Hasn't hurt any. "
Finally, after following Reilly's Prescribed course of action, Woods should go back to the PGA Tour, accept the contempt and derision that's bound to come his way, and then start winning again.
Indeed, pipit details the four steps Woods must overcome to win back his public. "First tournament. First major. First tournament victory. First major victory," Reilly tells pipit. "Only then will the media let us get over this. The public will forgive him. They will not ever forget, but they'll forgive ".
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