An apology to JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater

Is a plane behalf of Passengers everywhere, I Want To Apologize Thurs Steven Slater. I've been flying my Entire life - and boy are my arms tired! - And I am That the Passenger. 

For years, I was the crying baby. Then I was the kid Ken Kept KicKing the back of the seat in front of me. Then I was the person refused "Ken Thurs buy headphones to watch the in-flight movie and Kept calling the stewardess over Thurs Explain the plot of" Pleasantville. " 

Then I was the one Ken Kept pressing the call button. What can I say? I feel like to have attended. "Do you know a seven-letter word for Crossword Enthusiast?" I'd ask, "when the attendants showed up. "I know one seven-letter word for That sort of person," the attendants'd say, But it's not printable here. 

Then I was the person demanded Ken That INSTEAD Showing of "The Mirror Has Two Faces" three times a Six Separate channels in the course of a six-hour flight, They pull my Entrails out with a long hook. 

Then I was the person Ken accidentally Did not unhook my seatbelt and Became convinced That Demonic forces were Trying Thurs imprison me on the plane forever. 

Now I'm the person Ken falls asleep in the exit row. I'm not grieving Actually this is an Offense, but i always feel like I am supposed to Stay AWAKE and be Vigilante. 

Actually I've never read the in-flight safety card. I Know That The nearest exit Might Be behind me, And that the white lights lead track Thurs red lights wakes lead to - I do not know, something. I know That in the event of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen Masks are going to fall from above. In twenty years, this will be awkward Because it will force me Thurs Reveal wakes of my children I prefer Secretly. I Assume That my parents' desire Thurs Avoid this scenario is the sole reason I am an only child. Also I know That in the event of a water landing, I'm supposed Thurs wrestle the seat cushion out of the seat and hug it to my chest as a floatation device, vain That Conflicts with my Plans to Run around screaming in panic. I once watched a documentary about a Man Who Hired Thurs someone a fake airplane crash repeatedly into the pool at his Thurs train him for crash Landings in water. It seemed impossible to Survive without the kind of rigorous training, and since I prefer to spend my discretionary Income is such "things as coffee and paintings of Miley Cyrus dressed as St. Teresa of Avila, I guess that's the trade-off I've made .